Revelations

You push me away though I ask you to stay.
Won't you dance with me under this waning moon?
The light will soon fade, leaving efforts unpaid
And snatching harmony from what once was our tune.

The glamour is gone, I can see tarnish now
Through eyes unclouded by what heart did endow.
Again I have learned through life's tutelage how
Rare a real love is in this world.

You Are What You Speak

"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings fort good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
-Matthew 12:33-37

"The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly;
But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
[...]A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,
But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
[...]The lips of the wise disperse knowledge,
But the heart of the fool does not do so. [
...]The heart f the righteous studies how to answer,
But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil."
-Proverbs 15:2,4,7,28

I've spoken before about the power of words, and I will dare say that any pastor worth following has spoken about this subject at some point or another.  The spoken word is one of the most powerful tools that we as people have at our arsenal, and it has been used for evil and for good since the dawn of time.

It was with words that God brought everything into existence.  It was with words that Satan deceived Eve, who used her words to deceive Adam.  It was with words that the Israelitesz condemned themselves to wander in the desert for 40 years and with words that Joshua and Caleb saved themselves from the same fate.  It was with words that Christ performed every miracle and with words the gospel was spread.   It was with words that Hitler rose to power and destroyed millions of lives.  It was with words that every civil rights movement in America began.

Every word is a seed which our lips seek to plant into the world around us.  We cannot take it back once it has been issued.  Forever, it now exists in this world.  Just like Christ spoke of the Good Word, some seed lands on unreceptive ground; some seed takes only shallow roots so that it quickly withers and dies; other seed finds fertile soil, where it blooms to bear fruit.  Have you really thought about what it is you are sowing into not only your life, but the lives of those around you?

The combination of the words and the heart that speaks them determine the purpose of the seed.  As Christ said, a good heart will give forth good seed.  Think of the last word of encouragement you receive.  The last compliment.  The last bit of praise.  What did that give birth to in you?   However, I am sure you can just as easily remember the last hurtful thing said to you; the last insult you received; the last comment spoken to you in hate or anger.

Proverbs says that the wise "uses knowledge rightly."  The Hebrew for the word "rightly" means "to be [or cause to] make well, sound, beautiful."  The connotation here is that the wise uses knowledge for the purpose of enrichment, to take the situation to a better place.  The wise will use their words to help those around them.  Furthermore, it says that the righteous will study how to answer.  The Hebrew for the word "study" here means "to murmur; by implication, to ponder, imagine, meditate."  The righteous will think carefully about how to respond before doing so.  He will consider the impact of what he says and choose the words and tone before speaking.

Christ says that we will be held accountable for every idle word we have spoken.  In this context, idle means inactive, unproductive, barren, useless.  Christ considers our words so important that every one we speak that does nothing is a word that would condemn us, but for His blood.  We so often speak about how people waste their lives doing one thing or another.  How often do we speak of wasted words in that sense? I say we should start.

When Proverbs said that life and death is in the power of the tongue, it was in a very literally sense (18:21).  With every word we speak, we can either raise a thing to life or condemn it to death.  How many dreams have been smashed by words of ridicule and doubt?  How many people have seen their full potential because of words of encouragement and praise?  What we must keep in mind, beloved, is that while every person must choose how to receive words we have spoken, they must receive them.  They have no choice.  Think back to the must hurtful thing you have ever heard in your life.  I'm sure you can even remember the pain you felt when you heard it.   Even if you did not let those words take root in your heart, you still carry them with you as a part of your past.  Your words have the same effect on those around you and yourself.  The greater responsibility is with the one who speaks to guard those things which s/he says.  The recipient of what you say has little choice in whether or not s/he will hear you.  However, you always have the choice in what to say and how to say it.  Whatever it is that you choose, always choose to be that tree of life, bearing nothing but good fruit in the lives of those around you.  For you never know what fruit your words may bear some day.

Unsung Rhapsody

I watch through the distant lens of a memory that is too sweet to forget as you held out your hand for the first time, wondering if I would place my hand in yours. My eyes focus on the path before me, trying desperately not to slip from this narrow road I chose. No looking back, but unable to let go. How can I move on from something this sweet that changed me so?

My melody ever seeks the compliment of your harmony, incomplete pieces meant to form into the most beautiful song that has never been sung. It flutters through the sky, refusing anything less than perfection. Watch it rise. Let it soar. Even if it goes on forever never knowing what it could be, I still believe in that unsung rhapsody.

I see life through a crystal, each color shading everything around me in breathtaking beauty. Still, something is missing. What shade is it? If only I could be honest with myself and my existence, letting my heart journey as it will. But life has never been that simple. It was never meant to be.

If I'm still enough, I hear it, the shadow of the music that has lived inside my soul for eternity.

My melody ever seeks the compliment of your harmony, incomplete pieces meant to form into the most beautiful song that has never been sung. It flutters through the sky, refusing anything less than perfection. Watch it rise. Let it soar. Even if it goes on forever never knowing what it could be, I still believe in that unsung rhapsody.

Unappreciated. Untarnished. Don't take away a note from this score. Even if it is never anything more than a distant dream, I would rather leave it there than change a tear stained mark.

Even if my melody never enjoys the pleasure of your harmony, though incomplete, it is still the most beautiful song that has never been sung. The sky is brighter with its imperfect beauty just the way it is. It will rise. Oh, it will soar. Even if it goes on forever never knowing what should be, it will always be my unsung rhapsody.

You and I were simply meant to be.

(c) 2012

Manna in Exodus

“Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold, I will rain bread from heave for you. And the people shall go out and gather a certain quota every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in My law or not.”
-Exodus 16:4


For those of us who have already come out of the bondage of Egypt, there is only the final exodus standing between us and our Canaan. We all know the story of Pharaoh, the Israelites, the Ten Plagues and the parting of the Red Sea. But how many of us really focus on the Exodus?

This people are the nation that God told Abraham would come from his loins. There is not a doubt in my mind that God could have marched Moses and the rest of them right on into the Promised Land without spending longer than necessary in the deserts. However, God knows our nature even better than we do sometimes. Before the rebellions, before the fear, before the real whining started, God said this – “I will give you enough for one day at a time to see if you will do what I say, to see how much you trust me.”

We often remind ourselves and those around us that God is not some genie in a bottle to come at our beck and call, granting us the desires of our heart in all of their sordid shades. It seems that so much of it started with the Israelites themselves. They cried out to God from their bondage, crying for freedom, and obviously expecting to fall into the lap of luxury. It wouldn’t surprise me if some of them were hoping that the Egyptians would be forced to play the role of the slave, God turning the tables to place them on top and their oppressors in the position they had suffered in for generations.

But that is not the God we serve. He always has and always will desire a real relationship with His people. And you know that genuine affections, trust and love cannot be bought. The Exodus was more than a group of rebellious people that wouldn’t listen to their God; Exodus is a story about that same God proving Himself to be Who He said He was, bit by bit and day by day. He had already proven that He could work mighty miracles on their behalf, but a strong man who can win a fight is not necessarily a compassionate man or a generous provider.

Every relationship with God starts with small acts, baby steps of Faith as it works to stretch its newly developing muscles and finally stand on its own two feet without anyone or anything else to hold on to. That is how Faith must develop, and we learn to trust and to love God in our own time by seeing Him work in our lives or the lives of others. If God carried us through every battle and ever storm that came out way, how would we ever get stronger? Not strong in the sense that we no longer need Him, but strong in the sense that we can know fight our battles with Him, taking our rightful place in Christ. For we are the righteous, and there is no other way we can walk successfully unless it is by Faith.
Therefore, after freedom from Egypt, we must fight in every area of our life to reach that place of abundance which we have been promised. For Christ came that we might live life, and live it more abundantly. That abundance is meant to permeate through every aspect of our lives. We are meant to be abundant in love, in time, in patience, in beauty, in talent, in generosity, in thankfulness, in kindness, in laughter, in joy, in strength…not just in wealth. But each area of our life, every miniscule that is to reach that place of abundance must first go through the desert and be brought under the loving and guiding wing of God. How long each aspect of our life takes to get to that place all depends on two things. First, how much bondage it experienced in Egypt; and second, how much of it we give over to God. The parts of our lives that were most enslaved to our flesh can take the longest to cross over the Jordan unless we are willing to completely submit them to God to deal with. Even if we struggle with that trust and belief, that does not keep God from being who He is. He will meet us right where we are, taking what little trust we do have and turning it into a miracle, bread that is just enough for the moment we are in right now.

The Israelites as they were at this point would not have taken Jericho. They feared a normal fight with the giants of the lands. How would they have reacted to the simple order to march around this massive fortress that was all but impenetrable? Exodus is not a punishment, but a necessity. It is in this place of dryness and lack where the rebellion and doubt dies off. It is this time of wandering where God spends time with us and builds those much needed bonds of trust, faith and love. So, beloved, whatever part of your life is in Exodus right now, fear not. You are right where you need to be. You may not be ready for Jericho right now, but today, God gives you the bread of heaven for your spirit. It is what you do with the little that shows God that you are ready for the much.

Ex Umbra Teaser #5

Well, loves, thank you for coming along with me on this little ride. Unfortunately, this will be the final teaser until the work is completed, but if you liked what you read, please share it with others. Stay tuned for other works and details!

Eclipse followed Lycoris as far as the hallway, where the young woman took off running down the hallway as delicately as she could, managing to make the effort look rather graceful. A man and a woman entered from the opposite end, a pile of towels and other items between them, so Eclipse made her way to the other side, trying not to undo the saree as she moved. While tight, it wasn’t anywhere near as restricting as she thought it might be. Her hands, felt along the fabric, feeling how soft and smooth it was. Her arms, however, were very much exposed, and she wondered just how Lycoris was managing to keep so warm. She watched the man and woman enter, another four people carrying a fresh tub, water sloshing in it as they made their way down the hallway as well.

“It seems the pins aren’t all she forgot,” a deep voice behind her said, causing her to jump a little.

She turned around to find Lycoris practically on top of her, Aither standing behind her in a vibrant red outfit today. He was holding another bit of fabric, much smaller and a deep violet color. Lycoris quickly showed her how to open the bent bits of metal, a bright bead securing it in place as she placed one at her hip and another at her back.

“Now you don’t have to worry about it falling,” she smiled.

“Or keeping those arms cold,” Aither added as he spread the piece he was holding and walked forward to drape it over Eclipse’s shoulders. “That should keep off the cold until winter has set in.”

She looked up at him, something about his presence overwhelming her as she nodded, muttering thanks before looking at his Resma. They billowed out like a cloud around him, the red and green balancing beautifully with his choice of outfit for the day.

“Are all of you so concerned with how you appear?” she found herself asking, the words escaping before she even thought to hide them. Eclipse struggled not to fidget, which became easier when he smiled a little.

“Some more than others,” he answered, nodding at Lycoris, who took the gesture as a dismissal and waved goodbye before scampering back down the hall to where she and Padma had slept. “You, of all of us, should know that the Kageshi are no different in that regard. And you may speak freely with me. There is no need to hold anything back, I promise you.”

He extended a hand towards the doors leading outside and Eclipse started to walk with him.

“That may be so, but there is at least some meaning in the concern,” she replied, pausing when he opened the door so that she could pass through into the bright sun of early morning. “We color our hair and skin so that we might blend in better with the night and be less noticeable during the day.”

“Because? Why is that so important.”

“The Beasts, of course,” she stated, feeling as though she were explaining things to a child.

“Exactly,” he replied as they continued their stroll. He waved at a group that were cooking something in a patch of cleared land to the left, the children running up to obtain a pat on the head before returning where they came. “So, I ask you, if you did not fear the Beasts, how would the lives of the Kageshi be different?”

The question stopped her in her tracks as she really thought of the question and the implications. An easier question by far would be what would be the same. He stopped and turned to face her, a smile painting his face as she felt very keenly that she was the child having something explained to her.

“We are concerned with our appearances merely because we can be. Sometimes we choose to wear more vibrant colors. Do you remember what color I wore yesterday?”

She thought for a moment of their first brief meeting at almost this exactly spot.

“Tan, like buck skin.”

“What you will learn, dear one, is that our life is ruled by nothing other than our own choices, to a great degree. Sometimes those choices are poor, and we must pay the consequences. It may seem like a small difference, but you will see the way it affects how you live from this day forward, should you choose to go through the ceremony.”

“What is the ceremony, exactly?”

He turned back around, and Eclipse took a few steps forward to keep pace with him again.

“It will be your rebirth into this society, and as you probably suspected, when you cast a shade for the last time.”

Her eyes drifted down to stare at her shade where it stood on the ground, avoiding every other person it may have come in contact with, even to the point of keeping to the eastern side of her body to avoid where Aither was on her right.

“It is your decision, and I will not try to say anything to dissuade you or encourage your decision. We can hold it as early as this afternoon if you so choose. I just thought it would give you something to think about if we waited until after Padma’s reconfirmation. We must see if she really has repented and is willing to change after her time amongst the Kageshi.”

“She mentioned that a few times. Is there really a chance that she would be sent back?” Eclipse felt an anxiety creep up within her, knowing that if Padma was sent back, it was unlikely to go well. Especially if she ran into Dusk again.

“Yes,” he replied. “But I doubt such will be the case. Imani told me her Resma were quite insistent that she’d undergone a revelation. In large part due to you.”

“Me?” she asked, stopping. “But what did I do? I mean, there was a moment when she started going on about pride and feelings, but I never did anything.”

He smiled again, taking one her hands in his and pressing it firmly between them.

“Your mere presence is enough sometimes. Every person has an effect on those around them. Padma understands this, I am sure, and that is part of why she is so drawn to you, as is Imani. I’m quite curious about you myself.”

Before she could manage a blush, Aither let her hand go and continued walking. There was a lot of information to take into consideration. She didn’t feel like there was anything particularly special about herself, at least not in a particularly positive way. Her fingers drifted over her hand where he’d touched it as she started walking again.

“Is there anything you would like to know that may help you make your decision?” he asked, glancing over at her.

“Is there anyone I could talk to that was once Kageshi? Maybe interacting with someone who has lived as I have will give me a better idea of what I may lose and what I may gain.”

“Padma didn’t tell you? I was Kageshi-born.”

Eclipse stared at him, the amusement in his eyes probably the most irritatingly enchanting thing she had seen in a long time.

Ex Umbra Teaser #4

A soft squeeze of Eclipse’s hand elicited a smile that came almost naturally. She couldn’t help but find herself on the verge of giggling since Imani had started speaking. The older woman turned her head to Padma, the mood quickly shifting.

“While I have been concerned about how you were doing, you had better be ready to return. Otherwise you will simply be sent back out with the next group in a moon’s time.”

“You can check me now, you know,” Padma told her, irritation in her voice.

“But what would be the point when you would just need to be officially checked again after we arrived?”

Imani turned her head back towards Eclipse.

“I’m sorry, my dear. I’m sure none of this is making any sense right now, but it will in time. I knew that Padma was bringing a Kageshi with her, but I hadn’t expected one so lovely. I can’t wait to see what color your hair is when all of that dye is out. Unless you want to keep dying it, of course.”

“I…I’ve never thought about whether I wanted to or not,” Eclipse pondered. “It’s never really been a choice before.”

“Oh I know. I hated the dying as a child and refused to let anyone come near me with henna for years after I joined the Na’Kageshu. Some things are much easier as a child. You know just what you like and what you don’t, and who cares what anyone else thinks.”

Imani laughed softly as though recalling those very days. Unfortunately, there were no such pleasant memories to turn to, and Eclipse wasn’t quite sure what to expect as they neared the edge of the cliff, the churning roar of water making it almost impossible to speak. Her eyes found a small bridge, the floor of it formed of alabaster stones that led them across the river just before it fell. Thick twine rope line the sides, allowing for a stumbler to grab hold of them before falling into the water and over the edge. The sun finally fell, leaving them to walk in the lingering red and pink tones in the sky, enough to make out a small path that led either way beyond the bridge, the one to the right leading to a set of steps that seemed to descend down to wherever the water fell. Padma’s excitement couldn’t be contained anymore as she pulled Imani who pulled Eclipse onto the bridge to stand there and look over the edge.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Padma sighed, happiness reading from every part of her. “Home.”

Beautiful seemed a very inadequate word for what Eclipse saw, lights of yellow, red and blue glittering in the velvet darkness and throwing hints of shadows from the large structures that dotted the land below. She didn’t have to strain her eyes much to make out the vivid colors that decorated both buildings and inhabitants. Her steps stopped as she clung to the side of the bridge, hands clutching the rope almost on instinct as she leaned a little further, taking in the layout, burning the memory into her mind.

“You can probably see much better once we are actually down there, m’dear,” Imani said, giggling at her reaction. “Although I should warn you.”

“Warn me?” she asked, nervousness seeping into the pleasant feelings she’d been indulging in.

“No, no, nothing bad,” Imani quickly corrected her. “It has been some time, perhaps a moon or so, since we’ve had a Kageshi decide to join us. There may be a bit of a hoopla about your arrival.”

“Hoopla?” Eclipse repeated.

“A party!” Padma exclaimed. “Oh, they will love you. Positively love you!”

As Padma once more grabbed her hand and led her across the bridge so they could begin their descent into the vibrant valley surrounding the waterfall, Eclipse made it a point to ask Padma just exactly what this concept of “love” entailed.

Ex Umbra Teaser #3

The golden bazaar, held for the few hours on the eastern half of the meet circle where the light of the sun struck true before disappearing for the evening. The light allowed for people to examine the wares and ensure quality, the rest preparing for the evening meal while selling any preserved meets or furs they felt could be spared. They had eaten first, and Doe now sat in front of their dwelling, surrounded by a small garden of clay pots, cups, containers and plates. It had been decided that Padma should stay inside, so she, lying down on her mat, watching the people come and go through the thin slits in the wallmat before her. It could have been some sort of vacation, but she couldn’t bring herself to relax or even sleep. All she felt was a deep sense of growing bitterness at the fact that she was so useless here. Somehow, on the way to the meet, she had convinced herself that she would be as sweet and docile as she could, treating whoever she ended up with as gently as she would her own family. The only one she could even get close enough to treat at all was Doe, and because of that, Doe was the one usually serving her. There hadn’t been much Padma had tried to plan on when the decision was handed down to her, but none of it was going at all how she’d pictured. Her place amongst the Na’Kageshu had been of respect with welcome adoration. She’d been loved and cherished. Children with scrapes would come to see her, tears running down their face, scrambling to climb under her hands or Resma to get a scrape healed or a toothache cured. Adults and littlings alike would seek what knowledge she had to share. Even now, she was not sure where it all went wrong. What she did know was that her being wrong had placed her into this forsaken place.

She heard the rustle of the doormat and looked up, meeting Buck’s glare. When he simply stood there, looking at her, she finally sat up and gave him her full attention.

“Yes?” she asked, wondering if he might finally begin to open up to her.

“What can you do with these?”

He threw down an armful of furs on the ground, and while she wanted to get up to see them better, that would bring her entirely too close to him, so she examined them the best that she could from where she was, picking out the tawny shades of rabbits and the deep, rich tones of foxes.

“I could make a hat or some boots,” she said thoughtfully, remembering the clothing she used to wear and considering the limitations of the Kagein’s preference for leather. “Maybe fur collars to go around the neck to help keep the heat in. Perhaps a muffler for Doe.”

“Then they are yours to play with, as long as you make something useful. Winter is coming, and I’m not sure if we will be able to get to our cave before the frost appears.”

“Cave?” she asked.

For the first time, he looked genuinely intrigued.

“Where do you spend your winters at?” he asked. “With the snows, it is far too cold to stay outside.”

“We live in buildings, and with some fires, those keep us warm through the winter months. When we do go outside, we wear lots of furs and leathers, many of which we trade for with you.”

That bit of information must have been new as he grimaced slightly. She bit her lip before giving into the urge that had been pestering her since they had first spoken.

“Why do you hate me…hate us so?”

“My sister,” he said, voice low and gruff. “When I was ten years old, my sister and I got separated at a meet once, and the Na’Kageshu that brought the rest in chains approached her. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, so I went off to play with the other children. As the sun started to set, I went to look for her. I found her in the arms of that Na’Kageshu woman. She was passed out, and the woman looked at me and held out her hand, as though inviting me to come with her. Of course I shook my head no, so she simply turned around and left with my sister. I haven’t seen her since.

“She had wisps, just like the ones you have. Those white ones were wrapped around my sister when she left.”

“And you still trusted me,” she murmured, wondering at the desperation he must have felt.

“I had no choice,” he replied, and she heard his voice catch for a moment. “I know what the council would have done with her if no medic could be found to help her. But she is no child that you can confuse and smuggle out of the meet. I will be watching you because I trusted only that you could heal her. How can I trust you or any of your kind?”