Fate of Her Beauty Teaser #1

Alright, loves.  Welcome to my 2013 NaNoWriMo Journey.  Sit back, and enjoy!

“My, my, you took your time arriving,” a high-pitched voice tittered through the crowd as we made our way to the loosely forming line.

I saw a figure step aside, facing us rather than the direction the line was heading and recognized the face.  Aysu MacKenzie, a newlywed mermaid who was enjoying her full-fledged status as the current leading lady in an offshoot of the Murdock family.  Some seven years older than myself, she has held no small amount of disdain towards me for taking her place as the most promising member of our generation.  While others have gotten over the jealousy, she seems determined to hold onto it tooth and nail.  She has darker features, like my father, and is pretty enough, I suppose.  I think the main reason she married Zain is because he fawns over her like she is the most beautiful mermaid of all.  He’s easy on the eyes as well, warm brown eyes examining me and mine from his place at her side.

“Perfection takes time,” my mother cooly replied, her tone managing to be both gentle and condescending.  It’s always amusing to be the witness rather than the victim to that side of her.

“Why it is always overrated,” Aysu said, a hand patting her slicked hair, her textured hair pulled up to a ponytail where it fell along with several gold and silver strands, complementing her white gown.

“For those who can’t handle the burden, perhaps.”

Mererid Agar, at her finest.  I gave Aysu a slight nod of my head, knowing it would irritate her.  She was technically higher ranked than myself, both by virtue of birth and marital status.  I should have at least dipped into a soft curtsey for her.  I would do no such thing, and she knew that.  The play smile on her face wilted, and I laughed.  That only turned her face into an outright frown, and she turned around, speaking to Zain in hushed tones.  Still, she had good taste.  He’d caught my eye as well once or twice.

“Back of the line as usual, I see?”

Genuine pleasure filled me as I turned to the side, looking for the source of the deep voice and finding Lord Dai Trefor standing just past what passed for a line.  With a little effort, I reminded myself that we were in public.  I usually greeted him with a hug or a friendly shock these days.  For now, I sketched the perfect curtsey, back straight and gown pooling around my feet.  I heard him chuckle under his breath as he extended his hand to lift me back up.

“If only these fine folk knew how well you play the part,” he murmured as he pressed his lips to my hand.  

“Then they would continue to love or hate me as they have been doing,” I answered, squeezing my mentor’s hand in my own before letting it drop.

Dai turned away from me to look to my parents, nodding his head at both of them.  “Anthony, Mererid.  It is good to see you both looking so well.”

“And it is always good to see you, Lord Dai,” Mother said, a curtsey following her words.

Papa extended his hand towards Dai, who clasped it and pulled him into a hug.  Dai was one of the few Finfolk my father tolerated…even respected.  Dai was one of the few things my parents could agree on.  For that, I was immeasurably grateful.  The times I could please them both were far and few between, but the day when Dai had agreed to be my mentor was one we had all celebrated and acted like a human family.  I only say that since the vast majority of Finfolk marriages were exactly like the one between my parents.  A healthy respect was the most one hoped for.  But then, there are always exceptions.

“I had a feeling I’d find you all here,” Dai said, letting my father go and looking at us.  “Let’s get you inside.  Rhys is nervous enough as it is and has been asking about you for the past fifteen minutes.  If he bugs me again, I might have to drench him.  Then shock him.  Then freeze him.”

“Dai!”  I cried, smacking his arm lightly.

A few gasps sounded off around us, and I rolled my eyes.  Rank be damned, Dai and I were as much friends as we were mentor and mentee at this point.  He ignored them and just smirked, mischief in every time-etched line on his face.

“Now, shall we?” He extended an arm towards the door, and I promptly stepped out of line, placing my hand in the crook of his arm so he could properly escort me.  My parents trailed behind us, and we all walked past the line of people waiting for their turn to be announced and enter.  Just goes to show that who you know is as important as what you know.  It’s always nice to have both, though.  I know I enjoy it most of the time.  We glided past the stares of awe, frustration and apathy, reaching the doormen, who took one look at Dai and held a hand towards the young Finfolk family who was about to enter.

“Now announcing Lord Dai Trefor, accompanied by Terrwyn Agar, followed by her parents, Mererid Agar and Anthony James.”

We nodded to the doorman who had presented us, walking under the grand arch that let us inside the Ceremonial Hall.  I took in the decorations with a sweep of the eyes.  The walls were draped in the colors of the Gordon clan, blue and gold.  Combined with the Casablanca Lillies that sat at every table, which were decorated with strings of pearls and gold wires, the hall did the happy couple justice. 

“You certainly took your sweet time showing up.”

My heart lost its step for a moment, although I managed to keep my outward composure as I dropped Dai’s arm and glanced over my shoulder.  He was beautiful, as he should be tonight.  Deep blue silk shirt, a gold tie and black pants, forgoing a jacket in this mid-summer heat.  His hazel eyes shone with all the happiness he felt, and I smiled for him…because of him.

“Told you I’d find her,” Dai said.

“I never doubted you would,” Rhys answered, reaching forward to accept Dai’s hand.  “You know her as well as I, I’d say.”

“Then you should know I’m always on time,” I chided playfully.  “Of all days, I would not pick today to break that record.”

“I know, I know,” he smiled, walking forward and reaching out to take my hand between his.  “Still, I always feel better when you’re around.  I’m a nasty knot of nerves tonight, and I can’t seem to shake it.”

“It seems your Consort is fairing much better than you are,” I sighed.  “She has quite the task on her hands…”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I gave up trying to hate Marjorie a long time ago.  Her voice had a musical quality to it, and I always found myself waiting for her next words.  Her dark hair was in loose curls, framing her face and accented with her namesake jewel.  Dark brown eyes holding only kohl liner met mine, and I did her the honor of sketching a slight curtsey.  When the union was complete, she would outrank me, after all.  Marjorie looked offended.

“Stop that,” she grumbled.  “You never have done any of that nonsense with Rhys, so you certainly aren’t going to be doing it with me.”

Rhys burst into laughter, pulling Marjorie close with an arm around her waist.

“Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?” he asked.

“The same words you told me when I found out you would be the next leader of the Gordon clan,” I replied, helping myself to a chocolate covered strawberry off a passing plate.  “So, I will tell you what I told him:  I hope you enjoyed that sight, because it will be the last time I ever do so.”

“…would it be wrong if I did?”

She sounded so afraid of my response that I wanted to reach out and hug her, poor dear.  I took a bite of the strawberry, shaking my head.

“Considering the very short list of people I have sketched a curtsey for, you should.  You, my dear, are among an elite group indeed.”

“I can attest to that,” Rhys smirked.  “You get that stubborn attitude from your mother.”

“Oh, I’m sure I get a good portion from Papa as well.”

The comment must have brought up any number of memories as Rhys laughed again.  He always was quick to laughter, despite the heavy burden he had to bear.  Being a clan leader was no small feat, especially one of the Five Nobles.  He had his work cut out for him, but he was well liked and well respected.  Between that and the support of those around him, he would do just fine. 

“Any prospects?”

Despite myself, I cringed.  He always asked at least once every time we were together.  As though he wouldn’t be the first person I told if there was.

“Maybe I should go off and find some…”

Rhys snagged me with his other arm, grabbing my own and tucking it into the crook of his free one.

“I think not.  You should’ve been here earlier if you were planning to look at the Consort Candidates.  Until the night is over, you are my honored guest, and are not to leave my side.  Is that clear?”

“Is that an order?” I asked, raising an eyebrow delicately.

“A sincere request.”

I shifted my stance to see Marjorie, trying to see how she felt about the proposal.  Her eyes only spoke encouragement, and she was the only way I was going to get out of this situation.  Some say the best way to deal with some sort of pain is to just face it up front.  Let’s hope those people are right, as it seems I’ll have no choice.  I won’t deny the man I love, so I will suffer silently and be the best friend he needs right now.  

Identity Amnesia

“ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”

1 Peter 2:9-10

 “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”

James 1:23-24

I finally started getting back to church, and God was waiting.  Almost as though He was trying to make up for lost time, He started speaking to me.  Just to me, because my notes don’t have a blessed thing to do with what was being preached.  And the entire time He spoke, it was entirely on the topic of who I was and what I’m called to be.  Because I won’t lie – I’ve been living like I’d forgotten.

As I’ve said in an earlier note, I’ve considered myself as Silver for a long time.  Well, this Silver needs some cleaning.  I’m reminded of this silver plate I received my junior year of college.  It’s been neglected, and it is in dire need of polishing and cleaning.  And I have no one to blame but myself.

So it’s time to get back to me.  To really get back to me.  To get back to the real me.

I am chosen.  I am royal.  I am the priest of my temple.  I am holy.  I am God’s.

I know this.  I know, and yet somehow…I manage to forget every now and then. 

You know, I’ve actually looked in the mirror before and turned away only to come back to it because I forgot what a particular curl looked like or which eye I’d lined.  And every time I’ve done that it was either because I wasn’t really paying attention or I was distracted.  I don’t think reflection in the spiritual is any different.  I’ve been quite distracted lately, for one reason or another.

Thankfully, the foundation is solid and well built on the only rock that will stand for all time.  Every purification brings me a little closer to Him.  Because like births like.  I am His child now, and I can be nothing else.  It doesn’t feel right being anything else.  Unfortunately, I’m stubborn to a fault and it can take me quite a bit of pain to get back on the right track.  But I count it all joy, for I know that my Father is always waiting to pick things back up where we left off.  There is no guilt, no condemnation, no debt.  There is only the press forward to the prize, holding my Father’s hand as I follow in His footsteps.

Revelations

You push me away though I ask you to stay.
Won't you dance with me under this waning moon?
The light will soon fade, leaving efforts unpaid
And snatching harmony from what once was our tune.

The glamour is gone, I can see tarnish now
Through eyes unclouded by what heart did endow.
Again I have learned through life's tutelage how
Rare a real love is in this world.

You Are What You Speak

"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings fort good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."
-Matthew 12:33-37

"The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly;
But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.
[...]A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,
But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
[...]The lips of the wise disperse knowledge,
But the heart of the fool does not do so. [
...]The heart f the righteous studies how to answer,
But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil."
-Proverbs 15:2,4,7,28

I've spoken before about the power of words, and I will dare say that any pastor worth following has spoken about this subject at some point or another.  The spoken word is one of the most powerful tools that we as people have at our arsenal, and it has been used for evil and for good since the dawn of time.

It was with words that God brought everything into existence.  It was with words that Satan deceived Eve, who used her words to deceive Adam.  It was with words that the Israelitesz condemned themselves to wander in the desert for 40 years and with words that Joshua and Caleb saved themselves from the same fate.  It was with words that Christ performed every miracle and with words the gospel was spread.   It was with words that Hitler rose to power and destroyed millions of lives.  It was with words that every civil rights movement in America began.

Every word is a seed which our lips seek to plant into the world around us.  We cannot take it back once it has been issued.  Forever, it now exists in this world.  Just like Christ spoke of the Good Word, some seed lands on unreceptive ground; some seed takes only shallow roots so that it quickly withers and dies; other seed finds fertile soil, where it blooms to bear fruit.  Have you really thought about what it is you are sowing into not only your life, but the lives of those around you?

The combination of the words and the heart that speaks them determine the purpose of the seed.  As Christ said, a good heart will give forth good seed.  Think of the last word of encouragement you receive.  The last compliment.  The last bit of praise.  What did that give birth to in you?   However, I am sure you can just as easily remember the last hurtful thing said to you; the last insult you received; the last comment spoken to you in hate or anger.

Proverbs says that the wise "uses knowledge rightly."  The Hebrew for the word "rightly" means "to be [or cause to] make well, sound, beautiful."  The connotation here is that the wise uses knowledge for the purpose of enrichment, to take the situation to a better place.  The wise will use their words to help those around them.  Furthermore, it says that the righteous will study how to answer.  The Hebrew for the word "study" here means "to murmur; by implication, to ponder, imagine, meditate."  The righteous will think carefully about how to respond before doing so.  He will consider the impact of what he says and choose the words and tone before speaking.

Christ says that we will be held accountable for every idle word we have spoken.  In this context, idle means inactive, unproductive, barren, useless.  Christ considers our words so important that every one we speak that does nothing is a word that would condemn us, but for His blood.  We so often speak about how people waste their lives doing one thing or another.  How often do we speak of wasted words in that sense? I say we should start.

When Proverbs said that life and death is in the power of the tongue, it was in a very literally sense (18:21).  With every word we speak, we can either raise a thing to life or condemn it to death.  How many dreams have been smashed by words of ridicule and doubt?  How many people have seen their full potential because of words of encouragement and praise?  What we must keep in mind, beloved, is that while every person must choose how to receive words we have spoken, they must receive them.  They have no choice.  Think back to the must hurtful thing you have ever heard in your life.  I'm sure you can even remember the pain you felt when you heard it.   Even if you did not let those words take root in your heart, you still carry them with you as a part of your past.  Your words have the same effect on those around you and yourself.  The greater responsibility is with the one who speaks to guard those things which s/he says.  The recipient of what you say has little choice in whether or not s/he will hear you.  However, you always have the choice in what to say and how to say it.  Whatever it is that you choose, always choose to be that tree of life, bearing nothing but good fruit in the lives of those around you.  For you never know what fruit your words may bear some day.

Unsung Rhapsody

I watch through the distant lens of a memory that is too sweet to forget as you held out your hand for the first time, wondering if I would place my hand in yours. My eyes focus on the path before me, trying desperately not to slip from this narrow road I chose. No looking back, but unable to let go. How can I move on from something this sweet that changed me so?

My melody ever seeks the compliment of your harmony, incomplete pieces meant to form into the most beautiful song that has never been sung. It flutters through the sky, refusing anything less than perfection. Watch it rise. Let it soar. Even if it goes on forever never knowing what it could be, I still believe in that unsung rhapsody.

I see life through a crystal, each color shading everything around me in breathtaking beauty. Still, something is missing. What shade is it? If only I could be honest with myself and my existence, letting my heart journey as it will. But life has never been that simple. It was never meant to be.

If I'm still enough, I hear it, the shadow of the music that has lived inside my soul for eternity.

My melody ever seeks the compliment of your harmony, incomplete pieces meant to form into the most beautiful song that has never been sung. It flutters through the sky, refusing anything less than perfection. Watch it rise. Let it soar. Even if it goes on forever never knowing what it could be, I still believe in that unsung rhapsody.

Unappreciated. Untarnished. Don't take away a note from this score. Even if it is never anything more than a distant dream, I would rather leave it there than change a tear stained mark.

Even if my melody never enjoys the pleasure of your harmony, though incomplete, it is still the most beautiful song that has never been sung. The sky is brighter with its imperfect beauty just the way it is. It will rise. Oh, it will soar. Even if it goes on forever never knowing what should be, it will always be my unsung rhapsody.

You and I were simply meant to be.

(c) 2012

Manna in Exodus

“Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold, I will rain bread from heave for you. And the people shall go out and gather a certain quota every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in My law or not.”
-Exodus 16:4


For those of us who have already come out of the bondage of Egypt, there is only the final exodus standing between us and our Canaan. We all know the story of Pharaoh, the Israelites, the Ten Plagues and the parting of the Red Sea. But how many of us really focus on the Exodus?

This people are the nation that God told Abraham would come from his loins. There is not a doubt in my mind that God could have marched Moses and the rest of them right on into the Promised Land without spending longer than necessary in the deserts. However, God knows our nature even better than we do sometimes. Before the rebellions, before the fear, before the real whining started, God said this – “I will give you enough for one day at a time to see if you will do what I say, to see how much you trust me.”

We often remind ourselves and those around us that God is not some genie in a bottle to come at our beck and call, granting us the desires of our heart in all of their sordid shades. It seems that so much of it started with the Israelites themselves. They cried out to God from their bondage, crying for freedom, and obviously expecting to fall into the lap of luxury. It wouldn’t surprise me if some of them were hoping that the Egyptians would be forced to play the role of the slave, God turning the tables to place them on top and their oppressors in the position they had suffered in for generations.

But that is not the God we serve. He always has and always will desire a real relationship with His people. And you know that genuine affections, trust and love cannot be bought. The Exodus was more than a group of rebellious people that wouldn’t listen to their God; Exodus is a story about that same God proving Himself to be Who He said He was, bit by bit and day by day. He had already proven that He could work mighty miracles on their behalf, but a strong man who can win a fight is not necessarily a compassionate man or a generous provider.

Every relationship with God starts with small acts, baby steps of Faith as it works to stretch its newly developing muscles and finally stand on its own two feet without anyone or anything else to hold on to. That is how Faith must develop, and we learn to trust and to love God in our own time by seeing Him work in our lives or the lives of others. If God carried us through every battle and ever storm that came out way, how would we ever get stronger? Not strong in the sense that we no longer need Him, but strong in the sense that we can know fight our battles with Him, taking our rightful place in Christ. For we are the righteous, and there is no other way we can walk successfully unless it is by Faith.
Therefore, after freedom from Egypt, we must fight in every area of our life to reach that place of abundance which we have been promised. For Christ came that we might live life, and live it more abundantly. That abundance is meant to permeate through every aspect of our lives. We are meant to be abundant in love, in time, in patience, in beauty, in talent, in generosity, in thankfulness, in kindness, in laughter, in joy, in strength…not just in wealth. But each area of our life, every miniscule that is to reach that place of abundance must first go through the desert and be brought under the loving and guiding wing of God. How long each aspect of our life takes to get to that place all depends on two things. First, how much bondage it experienced in Egypt; and second, how much of it we give over to God. The parts of our lives that were most enslaved to our flesh can take the longest to cross over the Jordan unless we are willing to completely submit them to God to deal with. Even if we struggle with that trust and belief, that does not keep God from being who He is. He will meet us right where we are, taking what little trust we do have and turning it into a miracle, bread that is just enough for the moment we are in right now.

The Israelites as they were at this point would not have taken Jericho. They feared a normal fight with the giants of the lands. How would they have reacted to the simple order to march around this massive fortress that was all but impenetrable? Exodus is not a punishment, but a necessity. It is in this place of dryness and lack where the rebellion and doubt dies off. It is this time of wandering where God spends time with us and builds those much needed bonds of trust, faith and love. So, beloved, whatever part of your life is in Exodus right now, fear not. You are right where you need to be. You may not be ready for Jericho right now, but today, God gives you the bread of heaven for your spirit. It is what you do with the little that shows God that you are ready for the much.

Ex Umbra Teaser #5

Well, loves, thank you for coming along with me on this little ride. Unfortunately, this will be the final teaser until the work is completed, but if you liked what you read, please share it with others. Stay tuned for other works and details!

Eclipse followed Lycoris as far as the hallway, where the young woman took off running down the hallway as delicately as she could, managing to make the effort look rather graceful. A man and a woman entered from the opposite end, a pile of towels and other items between them, so Eclipse made her way to the other side, trying not to undo the saree as she moved. While tight, it wasn’t anywhere near as restricting as she thought it might be. Her hands, felt along the fabric, feeling how soft and smooth it was. Her arms, however, were very much exposed, and she wondered just how Lycoris was managing to keep so warm. She watched the man and woman enter, another four people carrying a fresh tub, water sloshing in it as they made their way down the hallway as well.

“It seems the pins aren’t all she forgot,” a deep voice behind her said, causing her to jump a little.

She turned around to find Lycoris practically on top of her, Aither standing behind her in a vibrant red outfit today. He was holding another bit of fabric, much smaller and a deep violet color. Lycoris quickly showed her how to open the bent bits of metal, a bright bead securing it in place as she placed one at her hip and another at her back.

“Now you don’t have to worry about it falling,” she smiled.

“Or keeping those arms cold,” Aither added as he spread the piece he was holding and walked forward to drape it over Eclipse’s shoulders. “That should keep off the cold until winter has set in.”

She looked up at him, something about his presence overwhelming her as she nodded, muttering thanks before looking at his Resma. They billowed out like a cloud around him, the red and green balancing beautifully with his choice of outfit for the day.

“Are all of you so concerned with how you appear?” she found herself asking, the words escaping before she even thought to hide them. Eclipse struggled not to fidget, which became easier when he smiled a little.

“Some more than others,” he answered, nodding at Lycoris, who took the gesture as a dismissal and waved goodbye before scampering back down the hall to where she and Padma had slept. “You, of all of us, should know that the Kageshi are no different in that regard. And you may speak freely with me. There is no need to hold anything back, I promise you.”

He extended a hand towards the doors leading outside and Eclipse started to walk with him.

“That may be so, but there is at least some meaning in the concern,” she replied, pausing when he opened the door so that she could pass through into the bright sun of early morning. “We color our hair and skin so that we might blend in better with the night and be less noticeable during the day.”

“Because? Why is that so important.”

“The Beasts, of course,” she stated, feeling as though she were explaining things to a child.

“Exactly,” he replied as they continued their stroll. He waved at a group that were cooking something in a patch of cleared land to the left, the children running up to obtain a pat on the head before returning where they came. “So, I ask you, if you did not fear the Beasts, how would the lives of the Kageshi be different?”

The question stopped her in her tracks as she really thought of the question and the implications. An easier question by far would be what would be the same. He stopped and turned to face her, a smile painting his face as she felt very keenly that she was the child having something explained to her.

“We are concerned with our appearances merely because we can be. Sometimes we choose to wear more vibrant colors. Do you remember what color I wore yesterday?”

She thought for a moment of their first brief meeting at almost this exactly spot.

“Tan, like buck skin.”

“What you will learn, dear one, is that our life is ruled by nothing other than our own choices, to a great degree. Sometimes those choices are poor, and we must pay the consequences. It may seem like a small difference, but you will see the way it affects how you live from this day forward, should you choose to go through the ceremony.”

“What is the ceremony, exactly?”

He turned back around, and Eclipse took a few steps forward to keep pace with him again.

“It will be your rebirth into this society, and as you probably suspected, when you cast a shade for the last time.”

Her eyes drifted down to stare at her shade where it stood on the ground, avoiding every other person it may have come in contact with, even to the point of keeping to the eastern side of her body to avoid where Aither was on her right.

“It is your decision, and I will not try to say anything to dissuade you or encourage your decision. We can hold it as early as this afternoon if you so choose. I just thought it would give you something to think about if we waited until after Padma’s reconfirmation. We must see if she really has repented and is willing to change after her time amongst the Kageshi.”

“She mentioned that a few times. Is there really a chance that she would be sent back?” Eclipse felt an anxiety creep up within her, knowing that if Padma was sent back, it was unlikely to go well. Especially if she ran into Dusk again.

“Yes,” he replied. “But I doubt such will be the case. Imani told me her Resma were quite insistent that she’d undergone a revelation. In large part due to you.”

“Me?” she asked, stopping. “But what did I do? I mean, there was a moment when she started going on about pride and feelings, but I never did anything.”

He smiled again, taking one her hands in his and pressing it firmly between them.

“Your mere presence is enough sometimes. Every person has an effect on those around them. Padma understands this, I am sure, and that is part of why she is so drawn to you, as is Imani. I’m quite curious about you myself.”

Before she could manage a blush, Aither let her hand go and continued walking. There was a lot of information to take into consideration. She didn’t feel like there was anything particularly special about herself, at least not in a particularly positive way. Her fingers drifted over her hand where he’d touched it as she started walking again.

“Is there anything you would like to know that may help you make your decision?” he asked, glancing over at her.

“Is there anyone I could talk to that was once Kageshi? Maybe interacting with someone who has lived as I have will give me a better idea of what I may lose and what I may gain.”

“Padma didn’t tell you? I was Kageshi-born.”

Eclipse stared at him, the amusement in his eyes probably the most irritatingly enchanting thing she had seen in a long time.